I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling cliffs and crushing ice. I have been known to bend metal using the power of suggestion. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees and I can woo women with my sensuous and God-like trombone playing. I am an expert in monkey knife fighting, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a spade and a large glass of water, I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. When I am bored, I like to build large sand castles on Weymouth beach. I am an abstract artist, an amateur novelist, and a fair weather surfer. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of denim evening wear. I perspire. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I am a rebellious rugby player. I have performed several covert winter related operations for MI6. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a big bed. While on holiday in Dubai, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a bouncy castle and paddling pool. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and only dance wearing trainers. On weekends to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, arm wrestling matches in Blackwood and spelling contests at the Kremlin. I advise tomorrow’s military leaders, I excel in Sunday afternoon conversations, I have conversed with Elvis...but I have never tasted the sweetness of your lips